Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are like me, then.

The sadness was still there.

What were the first few days, weeks, months and then years like after finding out about your spouses infidelity? How did your feelings, and yours & their approach to the situation change in the immediate aftermath compared to later down the line?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Why is our generation so unhappy?

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What makes you feel guilty the most?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Be who you already are.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

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I was tired of fighting.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Why would my husband cheat on me with an ugly fat woman?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Is it possible to revive a dead person in real life with black magic?

And the sadness?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

How will Israelis respond to someone claiming that anti-Zionism is not anti-Semitism, in the same way as anti-feminism not being misogyny and opposing same-sex marriage not being homophobia?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I had run out of hope.

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It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.